


Getting too close to the sun

by creativwritingmind



Series: Two [59]
Category: Twenty One Pilots
Genre: M/M, Sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-22
Updated: 2018-01-22
Packaged: 2019-03-08 07:06:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,716
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13453029
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/creativwritingmind/pseuds/creativwritingmind





	Getting too close to the sun

Noises were something he had gotten used to a long time ago, so it wasn't Marks soft snorring or the constant lull of the busses tires waking Tyler in the middle of the night. Not even the gentle beat someones headphones sent through the small aisle was what got his mind, the cause of interruption that ripped him out of a quiet nice dream was the thud with that his head collided with the wall of his bunk as the bus hit a pothole, something none of them ever had gotten used to. There were a few groans around him, one or two curses mixed in, but his attention shifted to the lack of complain from the bunk under him, where Josh used to spent his nights. Being a good sleeper the drummer seldom was awoken by pumps in the road, but while rubbing his forehead Tyler pondered that Josh should have at least sighed in annoyance. Making sure he hadn't been injured further the singer rolled to the side and drew his curtain back a little, just enough to let his head hang out of the bunk and take a peek below. To his surprise, Joshs curtain were open and the small space empty, crumbeld sheets and a abandoned pillow all that greeted his eyes, a frown starting to grow on his still hurting front. 

Naturally being a person who was the most comfortable sleeping as "natural" as possible Tyler took some time to decide if getting dressed would be too much of an afford for this time of the night just to check up on his bandmate and probably finding him jerking off in the bathroom or something, but a nagging feeling inside his soul didn't let him decide against it. It was odd Josh was the one being up at night and his boxers and T-shirt where neatly placed at the foot-end of his bunk, so to get them was not really a topic of complain. Sighing the singer stretched and grabbed his clothes, awkwardly turning and shifting in the small space to get them on and swinging his feet out of the bunk finally. He shuddered a bit when his bare feet hit the floor, the carpet wasn't really covering the cold radiating from the metal ground below it, and there was always kind of a ventilation in the aisle, so Tyler sped up on solving his task of searching for his best friend. Stopping by the small bathroom he quickly relieved himself as he found it empty, then headed for the lounge area, whincing a little on the metallic sound of the pneumatic door, but thankfully not hearing someone being disturbed in his sleep. To his surprise, the front of the bus was empty too, so he just did a quick hello to the driver, exchanging a few words with him before he headed back to the last space the drummer could have hidden himself into. 

Stepping into the small studio behind the bunks Tyler's worry immediatly grew when he was greated with a pile of covers, the only thing telling him that his friend was somewhere underneath that a strand of red hair standing out at the top. Tilting his head and sending a quiet "Joshua?" into the room he stayed at the door that shut automatically behind him, not sure if he was welcomed into that thight space the drummer had made himself. There was a rustle underneath the sheets, until the olders head poked out on top, his face not readable in the dim light, although Tylers eyes had already adjusted to the half-darkness. "Miserable. Will be ok. Go sleep." was the short lived answer the singer received, a defensive undertone telling him that, yes, Josh definitly didn't want him to come closer, but knew already that he'd try nontheless. Taking one small step after the other Tyler shuffled over to the small couch, nutching aside what he pretended to be the drummers foot and lowering himself beside his friend, gently tucking on the blankets so he could steal a little part of it to cover his bare feet. "What's wrong?" he asked, blantly, not loosing time by dancing around the subject or trying to be smooth. They had reached a level of friendship that was beyond tip-toeing around problems and Josh knew exactly that a simple "T's nothing." wouldn't have the smallest effect. Grunting the drummer shifted a little and gave up another part of his cover as he realised that his friend where slightly shivering, offering the warmed up sheet to the younger beside him who immediatly took it and wrapped himself into it too. Sitting side by side like two eskimos, starring into nothing in particular they kept some moments of silence, before Tyler shoved the older lightly with his whole body, the physical demand of a verbal answer. 

"I...just don't know. It's just like..." sighing again and shaking his head a little, as if he thought this would be pointless, the drummer started again, this time a little more collected. "I just feel kind of lost a little. I mean...it's a while since we've been home. Not that you guys wouldn't be kind of my home too but..." "It's not the same warmth." Tyler ended his sentence, like they often did to each other. Not seldom the crew was unnerved by their habbit to talk, as for them it was highly irritating if one started the conversation and the other ended it like if the were one mind, but between them it was a sign of comfort, of being heared and understood, something they both cherished deeply and held close to their hearts. "Exactly. Not to sound jealous but...you at least had Jen around for a while. I'm like..." Shifting himself so he could see the other better Tyler tried to fight back the urge to ly down and sleep, feeling that this was important, somehow. "You know you're not alone, right? You know I love you like my own flesh and blood?" There was a unusual silence between them after Tyler renewed what he thought was a well known promise, one that left him unsettled in his stomache and with a racing heart. They had have situations like this before, many of them, but they always had been able to turn it into new directions, before it hit the bottom of it all, of the weired connection between them, the strange way they found comfort in each other, the friendship that so many assumed weren't one. The singer send an internal prayer that Josh would steer it away from the subject at hand like he always did, but he wasn't even suprised when it didn't happen. It had been a matter of time that it was voiced between them, and maybe a highway somewhere between france and germany was just the right place to finally do it. Josh sounded strange, smaller when he answered, his eyes trained to the ground, hands clenching somewhere under his blanket fort, sadness prominent on his face. "Sometimes I wish it would be more as that." 

It were fragile words, not spoken to change them, just to let him know and Tyler felt that an answer wasn't expected, not even wanted right away. Letting his head hit the wall behind him he breathed, deep and slow, letting his eyes fall shut. He didn't need to see the other to know that Josh was pale, taken overwhelmed by what he had just revealed and he had no desire to do so. It wasn't like it was something he'd planned to come between them, but still it did leave a dent right away, one Tyler knew he could never renew again, so he didn't even try. Raising his voice just above a whisper, just enough to be of more substance then his friends was he send a rejection into the darkness, accomponied by a tear, leaving his eye silently, but not unnoticed. "You know I can't. Jen..." Josh didn't even let him finish, gave up part of the warmth he had huddled around himself by sticking his arm out somewhere, letting his thumb catch the small salty dropplet before it could even reach Tylers chin. "I know. And I'm sorry for even make you feel like you should." There were no more words between them that night, as they sat in silence, still Tyler couldn't help but press a kiss down to the olders temple when he finally dozed off, his head falling on the singers shoulder and finding a home there. 

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

The sproud was set and it broke the concrete, slow and constant no matter how hard they tried to ignore it. Neither of them mentioned that night again, still both of them knew it had been the start to their roadtrip down south, to their fairytale going bad. While success and milestones seemed to pile up around them Josh and Tyler fought hard to stay the same, in heart as in mind, and both of it seemed an impossible task to do. The drummer was the first to recognize the venom that tried to sneak into his mind when Jenna returned from her visit back in the states to join them for the rest of their european tour leg. His normal warmly welcome was a tad harder this time, his shoulders tensing up when she hugged him, somthing the blonde clearly recognized but didn't comment further. She gave him a curious eye though and Josh tried hard to look away to not let her see the jeallousy, the need in it, but he was sure she caught it nontheless. The beautiful soul Jenna was she choosed to ignore it then, although she could have been the one to save them, and maybe, Josh mused after it all went down, she did that decission more consciously then he thought. Maybe Jenna had already known they'd all fall appart by that time, and maybe she was the only one with a clear mind in the tragedy that was sure to follow. Tyler faked normalicy though, acted like nothing ever happened, announcing loudly how happy he where to have his both most loved once around him again, the little hint in Joshs direction hurting more then it healed. The drummer let it go then, answered with an only half-sarcastic "Well, time for me to leave your bunk, hm?" that everyone else granted with a amused laugh. Only the two of them exchanged a glance that carried pain, well noticed by the singers wife, but hidden to the rest of people around them, and only the two of them knew how much it really hurt. 

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

He hadn't meant to kiss him. In fact, Josh hadn't even let himself dream of this, that's why he was as surprised as his best friend as he came to his mind with his lips on Tylers, who was frozen and wide-eyed between him and the wall. Somewhere in the back of his mind the drummer heared Brad hiss behind them and Jennas shocked gasp from a few meters away, but he couldn't bring himself to pull back, although he could clearly feel that there wasn't a response. All he could think of was how soft these lips where, so much softer then he thought, before a hard push sent him flying backwards, hitting the oposite wall of the hallway they were in. After years of friendship Josh couldn't say he had ever heared the other yell on top of his lungs, but that changed right when Tyler did the first breath, when he opened his mouth and started screaming at him, with words that no one ever had expected him to even know. It was Jenna who stepped between them, the moment her husband rose his fist, shutting him down with only a view syllabas, dragging Tyler down the aisle while Mark grabbed the drummers shoulders and directed him the oposite way. The magic broke the moment the door closed behind them, and Mark threw a "What the fuck, Joshua?" at him. It was like being showered in ice water, and burned by a thousand suns at the same time. It was like dying and coming back to life, just to die over and over. He didn't even feel the tears coming, he just recognised his shaking and the desperate sobs when Mark lowered himself beside him on the ground and pulled him in, whispering "Hey...it's ok man....breathe...Josh....calm down....". 

Tyler, on the other hand, was out of his mind of fury, throwing fists at walls and screaming curses he regretted the moment he spoke them, but still he couldn't keep them inside. His wife watched him quietly, her heart breaking on the realisation, but her soul still hopefull that maybe, they wouldn't change at all.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Time does heal wounds, but it never did heal the crack between them. Of course Josh apologized, of course Tyler took it, of course everyone wrote it off as just an outbreak of too high emotions after a particular big sucess. But everyone knew better. Still they all pretended things went back to normal, and for a while, they nearly did. The only trace of the incident left where the way Jenna left their hotelroom to go sleep elsewhere after Mark had heared the raised voices next to his. He pondered to check up on Tyler, but decided against it. This whole thing was screwed up enough already, without him prying into his friends marriage. Little did he know that he could have changed the story, if it wouldn't have been Josh but him knocking on Tylers door that night. The drummer had heared the argument – and came to say good bye, initially. Words followed words, tears followed the silence and in the end they came standing across each other, with their tear striken faces. "I'm sorry I'm destroying your life." Josh gave and turned, glad he at least was able to place this before it was over, but he wasn't allowed to walk out the door. He let it happen as he was gripped from behind, he didn't struggle when he was turned around. There was not a single exhalation of resistance when Tyler grabbed his chin, made him look at him. They just starred, for what seemed like hours, they tried to read the other like they always had. Josh closed his eyes and fell into the abyss when his friend leaned in. 

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

The morning sun wasn't as revealing as it maybe should have been, not to Tyler at least anyway. She couldn't compete with the bright red between his fingers, with the way Josh steered lightly in his sleep, his touch starved soul reacting to the caress without his mind realising it. Slowly the singer let his fingers dance down a spine, prominent, outstanding knuckles feeling just like a pianos keys, a melody he had dreamed of ringing through his mind. It was a strange kind of peace that took him over, one with an expiration date, and the higher the gold stream that fell between the curtains craweled the more Tyler could feel their time running out. This was wrong, on so many levels. And no matter how much he loved the man in his arms, he decided in that moment he'd brake his heart. It was for the better, for the both of them, for Jenna and their friends, their families and the thousands of kids screaming at them each night. Still Tyler wasn't willing to let go yet, sunk his nose into his friends hair, inhaled deeply. It was this scent that would linger, after this moment would be gone, this mixture of sweat and a cheap hotel shampoo that would remind him of the other when the fear would take him over. It was around noon when he got up, carefull and silent, too silent to be heared. 

The sun was blinding, so he pushed his glasses down, walking up the stairs, reaching the hotels roof high above the busy streets of an random city he didn't even remind the name of. Tyler knew Jenna was somewhere close, and thought for a minute about telling her goodby. In the end, he never did.


End file.
